Noiseless Chatter Archive

NOTE: This is a story that I wrote last year for Machine of Death . Don’t bother looking for it; they rejected it. Regardless, I thought it made for a pretty worthwhile writing exercise, and since it’s going nowhere else it might as well go here. There were certain guidelines, such as: the story must include a machine of death, the title of that story must be the prediction that your protagonist receives from that machine, and the prediction must come true. Enjoy. Or don’t. It’s up to you. Cold and Despondent in an Empty Room –Philip J Reed The man didn’t know what he expected, really, when he showed up to have the exact circumstances of his death predicted, printed, stamped and certified. But one thing he never, in a thousand years, would have expected was that it would turn out to be a very good career move. Of course he knew he was going to die. Everybody was going to die. That was the point of being alive…at least as far as he could tell. But knowing...

The mere fact that I’m writing this review sort of gives away my feelings, as I didn’t intend to write anything — or, at least, not much — about it at all. But History Repeating – Blue absolutely shocked me with its quality. For anyone who’d like to purchase it before reading my spoilers, b e my guest . I recommend it outright. History Repeating – Blue is the first half of the Mega Man 3 -themed rock opera by The Megas. It’s been years in the making, which for a long time had some folks wondering if it would ever see release. It was not only worth waiting for, but it represents an enormous step forward for the band in both their writing and musicianship. The fact that History Repeating is being released in two parts is my only real disappointment, but stick with me because I’ll negate that disappointment before this review is through. The 10 tracks on this album suggest that the Mega Man 3 rock opera is going to be significantly longer than its Mega Man 2 -inspired ...

HEY EVERYONE DID YOU KNOW I LIKE MEGA MAN Anyway, as of today, History Repeating – Blue by The Megas is available for purchase. This is the first part of their rock opera based on Mega Man 3 , which is good because it means there will be a second part, and bad because it means we have to wait a while to hear the whole thing. I haven’t had a chance to give it a proper listen yet, but I will soon. Their Mega Man 2 rock opera was quite good, particularly the acoustic version which was a downright masterpiece (and far better than the original in every way…imho). So, yeah. Go visit their store . I’ll be doing something to celebrate this…once I have time. Until then…support my habit.

I’ve been playing a lot of Mega Man lately, which is what tends to happen when I’m still alive and breathing. I’ve also been listening to a lot of music, for much the same reason. So I got to thinking…what if I could combine the two? I’d be rich! Then I found out that a lot of other people already beat me to it. Let’s take a look at 10 songs that politely share their names with bosses from the Mega Man series. We’ll also try evaluate just how well they’d slot themselves into the series as replacement stage music. 1) “Fire Man” – Burning Spear Fire Man, Mega Man Applicability to the Robot Master: I’d say it’s about 70% applicable. Of course, since 70% of the lyrics are “fire down below,” that’s pretty much a gimme. It also mentions people running around, which is a suitable image for Fire Man’s dropping of those little flaming bastards eveywhere. Burning Spear gets caught up in an homage to “I’m a Little Teapot,” which muddies the waters a bit though. As Re...

It’s finally happened…Denver has Moonrise Kingdom . And while I’m sure it will take me several more viewings to really formulate a thorough opinion, I can confidently say this much: it was worth waiting for. The plot, as everybody knows by now, is that two lonesome youngsters named Sam and Suzy fall in love and take off together, as a massive storm brews and the small town becomes increasingly desperate to find them. Because I’d like to keep this review relatively spoiler free, I won’t say much more than that. I do say “relatively,” though, so if you’d like to remain totally unspoiled, stop reading now…and just know that, yes, it’s a film worth experiencing. Moonrise Kingdom is a strange film…it both feels like a Wes Anderson film and yet stands pretty uniquely among them. Part of this might be due to the fact that he focused the film completely on a pair of unknowns — the first time he’s done that since Bottle Rocket — and sidelined the few regular collaborators t...

…or perhaps that should be Why it Matters to Me That Green Lantern “is Gay.” Without any question, you’ve heard about this already. Green Lantern is gay . That “is” is a present tense verb there, folks, and that’s why I have something to say about this. It is a fact that Green Lantern is gay. It is not a fact that he was gay, or always has been gay. And that’s a problem, because as progressive as this narrative decision might intend to be, it’s actually quite reductive, ignorant, and insulting. The problem isn’t that there’s a major gay superhero now, no matter what the Parents Against Whateverthefuck groups would have you believe…in fact, they should be cheering this decision, because it makes it seem as though homosexuality is something that people can add and remove from their lives like an accessory or a piece of clothing…something to be picked up and worn when it suits them, and not at all until then. That’s just downright wrong, not to mention preposterous. ...

“Oh. And what happen’d to those Transits of Venus?” “There we have acted more as philosophical Frigates, Ma’am, each detach’d upon his Commission,— whilst the ev’ryday work of the Observatories goes on as always, for the task at Greenwich, as at Paris, is to know every celestial motion so perfectly, that Sailors at last may trust their lives to this Knowledge.” “Here,” the Col° beams, “more fame attaches to the Transits,— Observers station’d all ’round the world, even in Massachusetts,— Treasuries of all lands pouring forth gold,— ev’ry Astronomer suddenly employ’d,— and all to find a true value for the ‘Earth’s Parallax.’ Why, most of us here in Virginia wouldn’t know a Parallax from a Pinwheel if it came on up and said how-d’ye do.” “Yet, what a Rage it was! the Transit-of-Venus Wig, that several women were seen wearing upon Broad Street, Husband, do ye remember it? a dark little round Knot against a great white powder’d sphere,—” “And that Transit-of-Venus Pudding? Sa...

It’s hard, and probably impossible, to express just what a disappointment Dana Carvey’s career has been. After all, an entire generation — my entire generation — of Americans came of age watching him on Saturday Night Live , bringing an infectious and masterful comic flair to a cast that included such instant heavyweights as Phil Hartman, Adam Sandler, Jon Lovitz, Mike Meyers, Chris Farley and Chris Rock, among others. He managed to stand out among a cast of standouts…but once he left the show, there was no going back. It was over. Dana Carvey — as an entertainer — might as well have ceased to exist. Anyway, I’ve never seen The Master of Disguise . I’ve heard it’s shit. I think that’s probably true. I did see Clean Slate , which is the other movie that sunk Carvey from the public consciousness forever, and that was most certainly a pile of trash. Long story short my girlfriend’s on vacation, my dog is asleep, and Netflix just recommended this to me because it doesn...