Noiseless Chatter Archive

New Year’s is the holiday toward which I feel the most conflicted. And that makes sense, I think; it’s an invitation to look both backward at the year you’re leaving behind and forward into the one ahead. It’s both of these things, and it’s both of these things at once. It’s the end of a chapter. You may not be finished digesting what you’ve read, but somebody’s already turning the page for you. Christmas makes me sad. Halloween makes me happy. New Year’s splits me in two. I’m not sorry to say goodbye to 2013. It was, in all honesty, the hardest year I’ve ever had to endure. Personally, professionally, emotionally, romantically, financially…I’m not sure I had even a week during which I didn’t have to worry about something immediate and pressing. The saddest part? I kind of miss it. That’s New Year’s for you. Kate and I split up this past year. For good. That’s both a sadness and a relief. A problem and a solution. A regret and a milestone. There’s no need

  ALF Reviews: “On the Road Again” (Season 1, Episode 11) The episode opens with ALF starting a motherfucking grease fire. Does it really even matter if I explain why that happens? I know this is a sitcom. I know we need to suspend disbelief…and I’m happy to do that. Many of my favorite television programs have been absurdist works.  Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job, Get a Life, The League of Gentlemen, Father Ted …the list goes on. That isn’t just a handful of shows I enjoy…that’s a list, as far as I’m concerned, of some of the best television ever made. Of course realistic shows have at least as much potential to rocket up my list of favorites, as my undying love for the original  Office  will attest, but my point is that I have nothing against absurd shows. I’m willing to suspend disbelief as much as necessary — and more — in order to embrace what absurd programming has to offer. But  ALF  doesn’t come off as absurd. I certainly wouldn’t argue that it comes off as realistic, ei

Happy Xmas, everyone! I hope you don’t mind that I’m giving you your gift early… Yes, this was real. No, this is not a hilarious joke. (Though, truth be told, it is pretty hilarious.) In 1980, the Pac-Man Christmas Album was released, and thanks to friend of the website Ed Adams, I’ve got a digital version of the original, long out of print LP for your downloading and listening pleasure. Grab The Pac-Man Christmas Album here . The interesting thing about this, to me, is that Pac-Man — while undoubtedly iconic — doesn’t really have a distinct personality, or roster of rich characters. An in-character album of new Christmas tunes and covers of old classics seems crazy to me, since Pac-Man can sound like anything and say anything because we have no idea who Pac-Man is . It’s not like a Super Mario Christmas album or something…which I’m sure would be just as awful, but would at least have had some vaguely-defined characters upon which to base its conceit. Here it’s jus

…this one got broken up by the fuzz. :( Honestly, though, thanks so much for coming out. It was a great turnout and a hell of a lot of fun. There were about 30 minutes’ worth of technical difficulties up front, then plenty more as the night went on, but man I couldn’t have asked for a better, funnier group of folks to tough it out. That was great. And, I mean this, that chatroom commentary over the Lassie episode was some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever read. Someone evidently reported the stream, for whatever reason, which really sucks because it was almost over anyway, and I kind of had an ending planned but OH WELL. Now I lost my twitch channel, which I don’t really care about. I would have preferred to say a proper thank you and goodnight. But, well, it was a lot of fun while it lasted. Thanks for taking the time…I mean that sincerely. I’ve got a great group of readers here…and that’s more flattering to me than a larger number of readers could ever be. All th

Don’t forget! You have plans tonight! Tell your wife to fuck off! We’re having an online Xmas party, and you gotsta be there! WHAT: The First Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Party! DATE: TONIGHT! Monday, December 23 TIME: 8:00pm Eastern time (calculate the time for your location here ) WHERE: http://www.twitch.tv/philipjreed <--there. DETAILS: We’ll be streaming the first-season Christmas episode of ALF , as well as seven (count ’em!) other mystery Christmas specials from various “classic” television shows. A live chatroom will be open throughout the stream, but I think you need to sign up for a twitch.tv account if you’d like to participate in that aspect. (You can do that by clicking “Sign Up” here .) I suggest you do…it’s quick and easy. Aaaaand… If you do log into the chat, you’ll be eligible to participate in the all-night Christmas trivia contest! With real prizes! You might not want any of them, but they are real! Additionally I’ve recorded

  ALF Reviews: “Baby, You Can Drive My Car” (Season 1, Episode 10) Wow…ten episodes! We’re inching our way toward the midway point of season one, and the excitement is palpable. Wait, not excitement. That other thing. Excrement. I really do have to wonder if the later episodes get better than this. Granted, I didn’t expect this show to be great viewing as an adult, and I certainly didn’t have the most discerning taste as a child, but what I’m really surprised by is how absolutely boring  ALF  is. For a show about an alien, it certainly isn’t doing anything interesting. ALF’s just a bad roommate, or an annoying house guest. He’s not an alien. Sure, he might talk about his home planet every so often. And the script might refer to him as an alien. But he’s  not  one. Because if he were an alien, he’d have plots that reflected that fact…at least sometimes. But here? Once again? It’s a plot that could have been filled by some irritating uncle. He buys Lynn a car, and everyone’s upset becaus