Noiseless Chatter Archive

  ALF Reviews: Season Four, Reviewed Season four is far and away the worst season of  ALF . There. That’s your review. It registered as shockingly awful to a guy who already  hated the living fuck  out of  ALF . Throughout the previous three seasons,  ALF  has been inane, idiotic, lazy, nonsensical, offensive, and irritating. Season four cranked all of those same dials to 11, and trimmed out any of the intermittently redeeming qualities as well, as though it was genetically engineered to be the worst possible version of something that was already pretty awful to begin with. I can’t say I wasn’t warned, but I hoped against hope that I’d find something to enjoy here. I blame season three for my foolishness. See, people told me that season three was lousy, too, but I actually enjoyed it more than either of the first two seasons. It had some really strong episodes, I thought. Sure, it also had many really poor ones, but it was always at least  interes...

  ALF Reviews: “Consider Me Gone” (season 4, episode 24) This is it. The final episode of  ALF . I’d take some time to cry or something, but I’m too busy masturbating and doing cartwheels. Thank fucking Christ we lived to see this day. Yes, I understand full well that I’m the one who exhumed this stinking corpse in the first place, but at long last we get to lay it back to rest. It’s time to say goodbye to all of the beloved characters we’ve gotten to know over the past four seasons. Ol’ Cracky. Sluterella. Bitchy O’Bitchbitch. And, of course, Lumpy. I’ll miss him/her/it most of all. Oh, and ALF! The only character that ever mattered. But I wouldn’t worry about him! I’m confident he’s leaving sitcoms behind to conquer many other mediums. I’ve never seen “Consider Me Gone” before. No, not even before writing this sentence. And I’m very much looking forward to it. Why? Well, aside from the fact that it’s the final episode, there’s this one’s legendary schoolyard status. See, I s...